| Lorena Bobbit Virus | Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy. |
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| Woody Allen Virus | Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card. |
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| Tonya Harding Virus | Turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons. |
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| Paul Revere Virus | Warns of an impending virus infection: 1 if by LAN, 2 if by C:\. |
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| Hillary Rodham Clinton Virus | Instantly turns 1K of disk space into 1 Meg. |
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| Ollie North Virus | Plays a patriotic .WAV while it shreds your files. |
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| Joey Buttafuaco Virus | Only attacks minor files. |
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| Michael Jackson Virus | Preys on child processes. |
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| Ronald Reagan Virus | Saves your data, but forgets where it's stored. |
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| Jane Fonda Virus | Attacks your hard drive's FAT. |
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| Oprah Winfrey virus | Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB. |
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| AT&T Virus | Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting. |
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| MCI Virus | Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus. |
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| Politically Correct Virus | Never calls itself a "virus," but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism." |
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| Ross Perot Virus | Activates every component in your system, just before the whole darn thing quits. |
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| Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus | Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back. |
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| Government Economist Virus | Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine. |
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| Federal Beaurocrat Virus | Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer. |
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| Adam and Eve Virus | Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple computer. |
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| Congressional Virus #1 | The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem. |
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| Congressional Virus #2 | Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything. |
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| Airline Virus | You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore. |
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| Freudian Virus | Your computer becomes obsessed with its own motherboard. Or becomes very jealous of the size of your friend's hard drive. |
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| PBS Virus | Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for money. |
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| Jimmy Hoffa Virus | Your programs can never be found again. |
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| LAPD Virus | It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in "self-defense." |
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| O.J. Virus | It claims that it did not, could not and would not delete two of our files and vows to find the virus that did it. |