Travel Hints for the Inexperienced Traveler

• Be very suspicious if the advertised price of a Caribbean cruise includes the phrase "Free Ammo."
• Consider carefully before visiting a country where the license plate motto is "Die American Pig".
• There is no legitimate reason for a travel agent to need to know if you have experience in jungle warfare.
• On a trip to Canada, your travel agent should not charge you for an interpreter (unless you go to Quebec).
• Do not board a cruise ship if passengers are being issued oars.
• Avoid any Latin American Tour named Bay of Pigs, Two.
• Do not ask for directions to a Kosher restaurant when in Syria.
• In South America, say no to anyone wanting you to deliver a suitcase of powdered sugar to their grandmother in Miami.
• If you enjoy beaches and surfing make Wyoming your second choice.
• Avoid Sudan in the summer. (or winter)
• Buying cut rate first class tickets from a guy near an airport is not a good idea.
• Legitimate travel agents do not dress in foreign military uniforms.