A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one-dollar item he wants.
A woman will pay one dollar for a two dollar item she does't want.
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage.
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband, while a man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Dogs are a man's best friend. Now you know which sex is smarter.
If you women knew what we were thinking, you'd never stop slapping us.
Men are like animals, but they make great pets.