Five things you don't want to hear from Tech Support:

1. "duuuuuuude! Bummer!"
2. "In layman's terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect."
3. "Your problem can be fixed, but you're going to need a butter knife, a roll of duct tape and a car battery."
4. "Press 1 for Support. Press 2 if you're with '60 Minutes.' Press 3 if you're with the FTC."
5. "Hold on a second, please...Mom! Timmy's hitting me!"

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