-You have to hitch hike to the bank to make your car payment.
-The little league puts you on waivers.
-Your suggestion box starts ticking.
-Your secretary tells you the FBI is on line 1, the DA is on line 2, and CBS is on line 3.
-You see your stockbroker hitchhiking out of town.
-You see the captain running toward the railing wearing a life jacket.
-They pay your wages out of petty cash.
-The moths in your money belt starve to death.
-You make more than you ever made, owe more than you ever owed, and have less than you've ever had.
-You tell the barber what you think about his prices before you get your haircut.
-Getting there is half the fun and three-fourths of the vacation budget.
-The simple instructions enclosed aren't.
-People send your wife sympathy cards on your anniversary.
-Your wife starts charging you rent.
-A black cat crosses you path and drops dead.
-You take an assertiveness training course and you're afraid to tell your wife.
-The plumber floats by on your kitchen table.
-Your pacemaker has only a thirty day guarantee.
-There are two elephants, two giraffes, and two zebras in your yard and your next door neighbor is building an arc.
-The candles on your cake set off your smoke alarm.
-The pest exterminator crawls under your house and never comes out.
-A copy of your birth certificate comes in the mail marked null and void.